Forever in my heart: Tracy Ting Uy

Center: Tracy Ting Uy; taken Sept. 28, 2013

When Haiyan or what is locally known to us as Yolanda made its landfall in Cebu Philippines at around 8am on Nov. 8, 2013 (Friday), I was bracing myself for strong and eerily-sounding winds and indeed, they came. I was alone with my 3 children and when the power went out, all I could do was comfort them and watch the violent winds in a brutal display of power over anything that came across its path.

At 8:15am, when the dreariness from the lashing of the winds overwhelmed me, I sent an sms to my friend Tracy even if I didn't know if she already arrived from a trip overseas and I still didn't know then the devastation in Tacloban. I knew she was in Dubai that week but didn't know if they've already arrived. There was no reply and thought perhaps she is still there traversing on camels and racing in the sand dunes as posted in her FB account just days before. 

At around 10am, when the winds seem to have subsided, I said a prayer thanking God that damage, at least from what I can see outside of our home which is inside a subdivision, was minimal. I was devoid of any feeling or thought of what was to come.

The next day (Saturday), one of my best friends, Anabel, called. After we checked on each other, she asked if I got hold of Tracy. I told her I sent her an sms but didn't get a reply and told her she probably is still in Dubai. She said Tacloban, where Tracy lives was badly hit. Anabel was in Manila when Haiyan/Yolanda struck and got to see the news. In Cebu, we didn't have power for over 24 hours but when it came, I also didn't bother to check the news or watch TV so I was pretty much detached as to the happenings outside of Cebu. After her call, I then checked the internet about Tacloban and sure enough the images and reports were scary.

That night, I shot an FB message to Tracy if she and her family are okay, again with no reply. I then sent another FB message to her sister, Terry, and if she had already contacted them or if they were already in Tacloban. The next morning (Sunday), I checked out FB and saw 2 messages from Terry. The first one said Tracy arrived on Nov. 7 noon time but hasn't heard from her yet ever since and the second one asking me to call her.

I knew Tacloban was without power and all communication was out so I called Terry expecting to get an update about Tracy and her family and that they are all okay. When I called her, I began apologizing that I wasn't able to call right away because I just read her message. She asked me who I was and I said, this is Hannah. And I remember asking, "So how's Tracy?" but mid-sentence, she stopped me and said, "Han, wa na si Tracy (Han, Tracy is gone)" Then and there, I just broke down and cried, "Terr, ayaw ana, please Terr..." (Terr, don't say that, please Terr...) and I remember I just kept on repeating that phrase. I curled up in fetal position, stood up, then knelt down again... I was hysterical for about half a minute practically imploring her to take back what she just said. When I talked to Uncle Ted (her Dad) hours later, I tried to convince him that maybe Tracy is still alive because I thought her body was not found yet. But he confirmed her death with finality. Everything after that just seemed so unreal: representing her family with regard to Tracy's demise to friends and school/batch mates, attending her mass-novena, preparing her memorial.

The next day (Monday), I visited Tracy's parents just to be there for them and if they needed me for anything. I found out that Haiyan/Yolanda hit Tacloban between 5:30 and 6:00 am. Tracy called Uncle Ted at around 6am that the roof of their newly-built house was already gone. A few minutes after, she called again and this time, reported that the glass that made up about 70% of the wall in the eastern section of the house got smashed by the strong water current. Then the call abruptly got cut. Uncle Ted said she might have died between 8-10am. The same time I and Anabel texted her. 

As I write this, I still cannot believe the tragedy that befell upon my dear friend. I cannot put into words the pain I feel every time I think about her or see her pictures and our times together. She was somebody who knew the real me and still embraced me for who I am. Somebody who knew my struggles and helped me with them. Somebody who cheered me on in my endeavors and was just there for me when I needed her... for over 20 years. I only have two best friends in the world, and one of them was Tracy. 

I was very bold in saying during the opening of her memorial that we must move forward and live life to the fullest just as Tracy did. It was my way of honoring her. And I will do my best to do just that. But I also know that every now and then, when something reminds me of her, when a thought about her comes to mind, when a song comes along, time will stand still. I want it to stand still just to be with her. 

Rest in eternal peace, my friend. I love you and I will always miss you! You are and will always be in my heart.